Friday, 16 January 2009


I always count my proverbial chickens way before they hatch. I assume that everything will work out perfectly and settle down to hours of happy fantasizing.

On Monday it became apparent that there is a possibility that The Daily Mail may run some of my blog in its Femail section (not as I accidentally called it the Shemale section which is a whole other publication). A photographer came over yesterday to take our picture, just in case The Mail decides to run the piece.

In my mind the above situation means that my blog will be published in the Newspaper, I will get so much fan mail that I will:

A: Have a boyfriend in time for my birthday in June
B: Be offered a regular column and a book deal

By the time the photographer arrived I was already preparing speeches for the following situations:

A: Being interviewed by Fern Britton
B: Being a guest judge on The X Factor
C: Accepting the Booker Prize

The photographer arrived with a hair and make up lady. Abi and I don’t actually own a lipstick between us as we use chapstick instead and, telling us that the look she was aiming for was Anthea Turner she went to work. When she had finished with me I looked like an extra from Band of Gold with hair sprayed into a Margaret Thatcher like bouffant. Abi fared rather better and turned out looking like Bruce’s dolly dealer on Play Your Cards Right.

Abi tries to nurture a more realistic approach to media and remind me that often people say they will print something about us and it doesn’t happen but this one really feels like a sure thing to this space.

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